Touching the Dragon
by ChocolateChipSurprise
Summary: Bad touch, Granger! Bad touch! Trapped in a broomshed, hoping to get out, madness is the result. Will they kill each other?


**Touching the Dragon **

Disclaimer: I own nothing. Do you understand the words that are comin' outta my mouth! I OWN NOTHING! Lol, _EXCEPT..._

Summary: Draco and Hermione are trapped. What goes on? Draco explaining Good Touches and Bad Touches. Very funny Draco and a very confused Hermione involved.

And... Abracadabra!

ooo-ooo-ooo

"Granger, move!" complained a very annoyed Draco Malfoy, who was currently trying to force the Gryffindor away.

"I can't, you imbecile! We're trapped in a broomshed- ow!" As if on cue, a broom fell on her, hitting her shoulder. Draco laughed.

"You're pathetically weak, d'you know that?" he asked, smirking.

The next sound heard from the boy was a pained one, making Hermione laugh almost evilly, clutching the broom, holding it above him in triumph. "I thought I was weak, Malfoy... What happened to that?"

Draco gave a small whimper. "You are," he said shortly, "but a broom handle in the stomach would put even Vincent or Greg in pain.."

She looked at him confused. "Who?" she asked, watching him.

"Crabbe and Goyle. Gods, you're as violent as Weasley!" The next blow with the broom was aimed lower. 'Well, she obviously took that as an insult,' Draco thought, hunching over in pain. Whimpering, he stayed slumped on the floor. Gods, that girl wasn't as weak as he thought...

Turning on the light, Hermione saw him. A wave of pity washed over her and she kneeled down, gently setting her hand to his stomach. "Draco?" she whispered softly, actually worried she had hurt him.

He jumped, realizing where her hand was. "Bad touch, Granger! Bad touch!" he shouted, slapping her hand.

Pulling her hand away, nursing where the red mark on it was. "What?" she asked him, confused.

"There are good touches, then there are bad touches. That was a bad touch," he explained, only making her more confused.

"Well," she huffed, "that gives you no right to slap me!"

Draco shook his head and Hermione hoped to get an explanation.

"No, the slapping was a good touch."

Hermione stared at him, worried. He'd cracked like a dragon's egg. Lost it. One too many Bludgers to the head. There were many expressions for what poor Draco was going through. Good touch? Bad touch? How could slapping her be a good touch, but her hand resting on his stomach, gently, mind you, be a bad touch? One explanation.

He was the next Lockhart.

"I didn't hurt you, did I?" she asked, wanting to get off the subject.

He laughed bitterly. "Of course you did, Granger. But it was a good touch."

What the hell was he talking about! How could that be a good touch?

"Can we talk about something besides good touches and bad touches? If I'm going to be locked in here with you for God knows how long, I don't want to be confused. What class are we missing?"

Draco snorted at her questions. "Good Merlin, you're annoying. We're missing History. I think I'd rather hear Binns talk than you. At least during that time I can sleep."

Hermione looked hurt, turning her head in the opposite direction.

Draco felt guilty. Crazy or not, he had feelings! "Look, Granger, I didn't mean it-" he started, only to get cut off by Hermione.

She shook her head, sniffling lightly. "Yes, you did. We both know you did... Why deny it?"

He looked down after nodding shortly. "Yeah... I guess I did. Sorry, though," he replied, deciding he should apologize.

"I already knew that, Malfoy. Everyone in the Wizarding World knows your sorry."

Draco mumbled quite a bit before replying. "Fine. You want the truth, Mudblood?" he asked, the last word rolling off his tongue viciously.

"Yes, as a matter of fact, I do. I've been waiting to hear this... What other excuses to you have to hate me, besides my being a 'Mudblood'? "

"You're annoying. You're stupid when it comes to things right in front of you. You think everything to know about the world is in books, wrote down on pages for everyone to read. You're pathetic and you're a coward. The only reason you were put into Gryffindor is because your 'friends' think you're loyal. You think you know everything, you constantly correct people, and you know what? You have no real friends. Nobody likes you or even cares about you and I can see why." He waited in silence for only a moment, wondering if she'd reply.

"You're wrong about that. I have more friends than you do, Malfoy," she spoke softly, wondering why she wasn't defending herself about the other things.

Draco scoffed, interrupting her thoughts. "Yeah? Why aren't you out of here by now? Wouldn't they be looking for you?" There was no answer.

Sitting in complete silence for another half an hour, they finally heard a magical (Ding!) telling them to get to class.

"What are we missing now?" Draco asked, trying to look through the soundproof shed's keyhole.

"You're missing Divination and I'm missing Arithmancy," she replied, even though she was itching to give him a rude reply. She didn't, however, because she didn't exactly feel like hearing all of her faults again.

"How long will we be stuck in this damn thing?" Draco asked rhetorically, making Hermione roll her eyes.

"Do you not know the meaning of waiting? Get real, nobody's coming to the rescue in an hour."

Draco seemed to calm slightly. And then- "Granger, you said 'rescue'. Am I really that bad? Do you honestly need rescuing?"

Hermione was about to tell him that she would rather be in hell, but the "kicked puppy" look in his green eyes stopped her. She shook her head. "It's worse." Oh well... She really didn't like puppies that much anyway. Or ferrets.

Draco looked hurt. "That... That was a low blow, Granger," he told her softly.

She momentarily ignored him. Oh, how she wished she were in the library, cuddled up in a chair, reading a stack of-- BOOKS! She didn't have her wand... But she had her book bag! "Shut up, Malfoy. You're not exactly the one to talk about 'low blows'." Trying to reach behind her and get her book bag, she was muttering 'come on, come on', to herself.

"Damnit! Malfoy, could you get this? I can't quite lift it from behind me..." She was sure the great prat was smirking. Without a word he easily lifted it from behind her, then set it between them. "Show-off," she mumbled.

"Thanks," he told her, taking it as a compliment.

(ZIIIIIIIP!)

"Oh, come _on_, Granger! Surely it can wait! I know girls feel the urge to around me, but... at least do it in private!"

Hermione scoffed. "The more I hear you say that word, the more I feel like hitting you there again." Draco looked confused.

"But I didn't say 'stomach'- Oh..." Glancing at each other, they suddenly both burst out in laughter, mumbling incoherent things.

Worn out from laughing, they stayed in their current positions for a few moments. Draco's head was resting on hers, which was on his shoulder.

Finally, Hermione decided it was time to get up. "Alright... Time for research, Malfoy."

Draco groaned, just like she knew he would. "Aw, Granger! D'you mean we have to research while we're in here?"

Hermione shook her head as an answer, making Draco breath a sigh of relief. "But if you want to get out of here any time soon--" She was instantly cut off by Draco, who was holding his hand out.

"Granger, pass me a book..."

ooo-ooo-ooo

They looked through books over and over, Draco complaining and Hermione growing frustrated.

"It'd be easy to get out of here if I had my wand..." she grumbled, looking through "Feel the Magic," by Overs Ensitive.

"This is bloody pointless, Granger!" Draco moaned, shutting a book called "So You Wanna Blow-".

Hermione looked away, blushing furiously, and not wanting to know the title of the book. There were many ways to end that title, Hermione not realizing it was "So You Wanna Blow Things Up?" by Des. P. Erate.

Draco suddenly smirked. "C'mon... Stand up. I have an idea. You know how this room is sound proof, right? Well, it's not invisible. So if we sort of... move around, the shed might shake or move, too. Someone's bound to open it! Unless they're a coward. Like Longbottom. Or Weasley. Or maybe--" He stopped when she glared at him.

"D'we really want a student to help us? I mean... Hermione Granger and Draco Malfoy in a broomshed together! Rumors would be flying everywhere!"

"Nah," Draco replied, smirking. "It'd be Draco Malfoy and the Mudblood."

She rolled her eyes, smacking his arm.

"Bad touch..." he mumbled.

She shook her head.

"Oh well. Let the poofs think what they want... I really don't care. As long as I'm out of here, I'm fine."

"Alright," she muttered, shrugging. Banging on the walls and doing everything else imaginable to make it move, they finally wore themselves out. Both leaning against the same wall, they rested a moment. "Well, Mister Brilliant, any more idea- Oh!"

The shed, from both of them leaning against the same wall, tipped, then rocked, then fell.

"Damnit, Malfoy! Look what you've done! Now we can't even move or get up! Help!" She began to shout, banging on the wall next to her head. "Help! I'm trapped in here with an idiot on top of me!" Yep. On top of her. How did that happen! "I'm going to die! Lack of oxygen! He weighs as much as a Hippogriff! HELLLLP!"

Draco clamped a hand over her mouth. "Shut it. I don't weigh that much... and you're not the one who has it bad! I do! A Mudblood is invading MY personal space!"

Hermione faked a sneeze, making Draco look disgusted.

"Sorry.." she said innocently. "I'm allergic to ferrets..."

Finally giving up on trying to roll off Hermione, he collapsed on her, hoping to hurt her, his head now resting on her shoulder. "Honestly, you get turned into a ferret once and you never live it down," he mumbled, breath tickling her neck.

Hermione giggled, finally managing to get her mouth away from Draco's shirt, her chin on his shoulder. "Hey, ferrets aren't that bad, actually. They're cute... fluffy... very unlike you."

ooo-ooo-ooo

"I Spy... something that begins with a W," Draco said, very interested in the Muggle game she had taught him.

"Wood."

"Aww, how'd you guess?" Draco asked, her having guessed correctly every time.

"Because, Malfoy, that's all there IS in here! The entire thing is MADE OF WOOD! Do you hear this!" She knocked on the side of the shed a few times and Draco nodded. "That's because it's MADE OF WOOD! There's nothing else in here and you've used that seven times!"

"Jeez, you've lose it, haven't you?"

"I'd rather be in Azkaban right now. But then, I'd probably playing I Spy with some other loony and I'd have to explain that the only thing there is bars!"

Draco watched her mumble and talk, actually worried.

"Granger, shut up."

"I most certainly will not! I don't do what you say, Malfoy! I do what I say! I MAKE THE RULES, DO YOU UNDERSTAND!"

Draco slowly nodded, not wanting to get hurt. Again.

"I hate you. What's it like getting nearly killed by a Hippogriff?" She asked randomly, making Draco groan.

"I really don't want to talk about it."

"Okay." Man, this girl talked a lot...

"Why am I here, anyway? Why would I go into a broomshed with you!" She then gasped, as if realizing something. "YOU took me here! YOU! You... lured me here and locked me in here with you, waiting for the drug you slipped into my pumpkin juice to kick in so you can take me to Voldemort as a... a..."

"Offering?" Draco asked, trying not to laugh. "Anyway, I'm not in here with you on purpose, I didn't drug you, and... I'm not taking you to Voldemort. What gave you that idea?"

"It's either that or you secretly love me, Dragon-boy."

"I like the Voldemort plan better."

"I knew it! But you won't get away with it! Harry and Ron will save me! Well... Ron's stupid. Harry'll save me, then!"

Draco decided, so he wouldn't get injured, to play along. "Yep. How d'you know you won't get killed first? Or that they'll get killed? It could happen."

"Shut up. I'm plotting against you."

"Thaaaat's nice to know."

ooo-ooo-ooo

"Well?"

"I dunno. Why do you care?"

"Because, I'm female."

"That's not an excuse. Some guys have asked, too."

"Ha!"

"You really want to know?"

"Yes! If I didn't, I wouldn't have asked, idiot."

"I use the same thing Snape does..."

"Nevermind. Wait.. You use grease?"

"Ha. Ha. Ha. Not funny, Granger."

"Yes, it is."

"No, it's not!"

"Yes, it is!"

"Yes, it is!"

"No, it's not!"

"Gotcha."

"Damn..."

"Did you just cuss, Granger?"

"Yep. That a problem, Malfoy?"

"Not really."

ooo-ooo-ooo

"Well, are they?"

"Why do I have to answer that, Malfoy?"

"Because. I answered your question!"

"Why this question, though? Why does everyone want to know if Harry and Ron are dating!"

"Because... Wait.. Say the last five words in your sentence again..."

"Harry and Ron are dating?"

"I knew it!"

"Jerk."

"Know-it-all."

"Bleach-boy."

"Fuzz ball. I can't count how many times I've got your hair in my mouth."

"Hehe..."

"What, no insult back? You're no fun..."

"Fine. Death Eater."

"Granger... I'm warning you."

"Well, you wanted an insult... Ow!"

"Ha. That's payback for earlier."

"Tsk, tsk, Malfoy. Revenge is baaad."

"Nope. Revenge is good."

"Is not."

"Is too..."

ooo-ooo-ooo

After the slight disagreements, they finally calmed down.

"We're going to have to spend all of our sixth year in here, aren't we?" Hermione whispered, looking at her watch. Classes were over, their stomachs were growling, and obviously, nobody had found them.

"That's not what you have to worry about, Granger. What if we get found tonight?"

"Then there really _is_ a God."

"No, it would mean that there really _is_ a Devil. Named Filch."

"Oh... Oh no."

"Glad you see it my way. What time is it, anyway?"

"Time for you to shut up, Malfoy."

"Graaanger," he complained, trying to grab at her wrist.

"Whaaat?"

"What time is it?"

"10:20."

"Ugh. We've been in here too long! I WANT OUT!"

"Want to research some more?"

"We can't."

"Why?"

"You're book bag is on the floor and I'm on top of you."

"Oh."

Conversations went like this all the way to the morning. An hour before classes started, they started talking again.

"I'm tired..."

"Me, too. Do you think somebody would still open the shed if we were asleep?"

"Dunno. Maybe. But they'd have to... I can't stay awake much longer. Can you?"

"Granger?"

All he heard was soft breathing, and he grinned, knowing she was asleep. A few moments later, he was, too.

ooo-ooo-ooo

And that's how the students found them. Colin took pictures, Lavender and Parvati told everyone who wasn't there, Harry lost his temper and Ron went red. Bright red.

Mostly, it was because of the position they were in that shocked everyone. Draco on top of the girl, head resting on her shoulder, a slight smile on his face. Hermione's chin on his shoulder, one arm around his. Books everywhere, a broom next to them, a book bag open, and everyone was wondering what had happened.

But that was for them to know.

And they never forgot it.

Not that they'd want to.

ooo-ooo-ooo

But their last year at school, it happened again.

"Parkinson, move!" Harry complained, trying to shove the Slytherin away...

ooo-ooo-ooo

Dumbledore's eyes twinkled. It was all about House Unity.

ooo-ooo-ooo

A/N: Oh, gosh! This was so much fun to write... I laughed until I cried. And I cried until I laughed sometimes. I hope everyone likes it! This is my funniest story yet:) Ta-ta for now!


End file.
